ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL (My special advanced review of HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY)

Before we even get into the analysis of the movie, let me give you the general plot. After an ancient truce existing between humankind and the invisible realm of the fantastic is broken, hell on Earth is ready to erupt. It’s up to the planet’s toughest superhero to battle the merciless dictator that broke the truce and to restore peace and order. He may be red. He may be horned. He may be the occasional sloppy drunk. But when you need the job done right, it’s time to call in Hellboy (Ron Perlman). Along with his team at the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, his pyrokinetic girlfriend Liz (Selma Blair), the aquatic empath Abe Sapien(Doug Jones), and a new member, the protoplasmic mystic Johann Kraus (voiced by Seth MacFarlane), the BPRD (located in Trenton, NJ, represent, yo!) will travel between the surface strata and the unseen magical one, where creatures of fantasy become corporeal.

Now for the more fun (and much longer) part. The review! We begin by looking at the cast. A sad fact of life is that you usually remember the acting in a movie only when it is bad, and rarely ever when it is good. I am happy to say, though, that everyone involved with this project did a great job so I will give the devils their due here (Pun very much intended). Ron Perlman was brilliant as Hellboy reprising the role that feeds hisrabid fanboy fanbase. Selma Blair also did a fantastic job as the only pyrokinetic that can light Hellboy’s fires. Doug Jones is an extremely underrated actor and a real superhero for sucking it up and putting on that fish suit before every day of filming. Seth MacFarlane did a solid job playing the voice of Johann Kraus. MacFarlane was a nice surprise, and he will probably fill a few seats just by drawing in some simpletons looking for a Family Guy reference.

If you are a fan of Hellboy, then you will be thrilled at what visual-effects guru and fellow geek Guillermo Del Toro did differently from the first movie. First off, he did not constantly beat you over the head with the comic’s two main themes, like in the first Hellboy. These themes are, of course, that Hellboy is the son of the devil who must choose between surrendering to the tempting forces of darkness or assisting those in the human domain; and that the love he shares with Liz is always difficult due to their radically different backgrounds, like a demonic Romeo and Juliet. This would not be Hellboy if those themes were not present, but they are much more cleverly and carefully woven into the story this time so you won't tire of them when they creep into view.

Because of the better use of themes, Del Toro was able to concentrate more on what Hellboy does best: explore the things that go bump in the night. The things that go bump were amazing and the fact that Del Toro worked so many different ones into this story makes this Hellboy truly worthy of the big screen.

This was one of the most visually stunning movies I had seen in a long time. You cannot tell where the costumes stop and the CGI begin. Even when Hellboy is fighting a 50 ft. earth elemental, it moves so fluidly that you cannot tell if it is being CGI’d or if Del Toro actually built a 50 ft. animatronic creature (even if it was most likely CGI’d). These jaw dropping graphics help the movie immerse you more in the story.

Not that it needed much help pulling you in since the story grabs hold of you from the very first scene and doesn’t let you go until the credits start to roll. With different plotlines playing out at a breakneck pace, fight scenes that you wish would never end, and light comedic moments to connect it all together, the story does not drag at all throughout the entire 1 hour and 50 minutes of the movie. Even if not a Hellboy fan, you cannot help but enjoy the fantastic story and dynamic characters that Del Toro develops and weaves into the movie like some amazing cinema seamstress.

The final thing that I can say that I enjoyed was that Del Toro showed more of the relationship between Abe Sapien and Hellboy. They are supposedly great friends, yet they seemed very distant in the first movie. In Hellboy II, you see them bond and talk about deep things with each other, something that I think you were missing from the first movie and it really took away from the Abe Sapien character. Adding that depth to Abe was key to my enjoying this movie.

The best thing though about the Hellboy series is that no matter how big or little a fan you are, you can walk into any story arc with little to no knowledge of what came before it and still enjoy it. Hellboy II: The Golden Army continues this great tradition with another stand-alone tale of how Earth’s most misunderstood group of heroes save our butts with us none the wiser. With how Guillermo Del Toro was able to stay so true to the comics and still produce such a high quality product that Hellboy newbies could enjoy, I have to give Hellboy II: The Golden Army - 5 hellfire fists out of 5.

-Ray Carsillo

SEGA FINALLY GOT SOMETHING RIGHT (Mostly) AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A BLUE HEDGEHOG (My review of the Incredible Hulk Video Game)

Since the 8 bit revolution began over 20 years ago, there has been a marriage between movies, video games, and comics. Movies and video games have taken comics into their realms for over two decades and only a handful of times have they gotten it right. An even rarer occurrence has been a movie based on a comic being turned into a video game successfully. This is one of those rare happy occurrences that make geeks like me smile.

For years they had been attempting to achieve that ménage trios, like the dreams of the horny 19 year old college frat boy. Then came the game based off the first Spider-Man movie and geeks everywhere experienced their geek-gasms in unison. Something had been accomplished that we had always thought was a mere fantasy. A game based on a movie based on a comic and they all kicked butt. Then Spider-Man 2 came out and they did it AGAIN and they did it BETTER because of their experience. And like most men who can achieve the fantasy, once and you are lucky, but if you can achieve it twice then you are the stuff of legends. Three times is simply impossible unless you are Hugh Hefner.

Time passed. As expected in our collective geek sub-conscious, every game based on a comic book movie since has sucked. Iron Man was far too short and too simple. Spider-Man 3 regressed to something that might have fit on the N64 or 32X. Most other comic book movies never even made it past that phase because they sucked to begin with. We kept buying the games and seeing the movies, hoping something would change, knowing it was a fantasy that most of us would never even come close to seeing. Looks like someone just got their invite to the Playboy Mansion of geek-dom.

The Incredible Hulk video game is a throw back to Spider-Man 2 the video game. New York City is expansive and open-ended. You have a choice of which order you complete your missions and there is a slew of mini-games and side quests to collect points towards upgrades. The controls are a little unresponsive at times and the camera not always being centered behind Hulk becomes a bit troublesome at points, but aside from that this is a solid comic book movie video game. The most exciting part for me was much like in Spider-Man 2, when you leap from the Empire State Building and the buildings start whizzing by you as the concrete comes closer and closer and you actually feel it a little in your gut. It made you feel as if you were in the game and that is the purpose of movies and video games and comics. To immerse yourself in another world and when they successfully allow you to do that, in my mind, the product will be praised as a rousing success.

The plot follows the movie to drive it, but the addition of other Hulk villains such as the U-Foes and the Bi-Beast and allies like Rick Jones gives you enough of a comic book experience to leave even the hardest of Hulk fans happy. All characters that appear in the movie are happily voiced by their real life counterparts, but unfortunately the voice acting came across a little forced and the cut-scenes were not as crisp as they could have been. There was an overall lack of music from the movie, which saddened me greatly that the TV Theme was not used like it was in the movie. I do not know if Sega could not get the rights, but the lack of a musical score did hurt the overall experience. Overall, though, with unlockables out the yin yang, solid action, a great physics system, and a great representation of the Hulk’s strength and invunerabilty with classic rage attacks like the ground pound and thunderclap, I would call this game a must pick up for comic book fans much like the movie was a must see.

Rankings are based on a score of 1 to 10 with 10 being the best.

Graphics: 7.5: Not spectacular graphics, but that is what you get when you deal with Sega. They are so used to dealing with cartoons that they forget what it is like to try and render actual people and objects. A lack of explosions from cars, so-so smash marks on buildings, and people that just don’t look right and you can understand this score. The point that Sega shines of course is with the Hulk, U-Foes, Bi-Beast, and other unrealistic things because, again, they are used to dealing more with cartoons.

Audio: 7.0: A lack of music in the overall background and poor voice acting brings this score down. Liv Tyler and Edward Norton didn’t know how to handle themselves in front of a microphone? Come on! The least they could have done was throw me the TV Theme like in the movie. The SFX were really solid though. Very accurate and believable and that is what saves this score.

Plot/Plot Development: 10.0: They nailed this. They gave us everything we wanted. They threw us right into the Hulk’s shoes and followed an awesome movie script. Then they added in the obligatory extra villains and allies to flesh the game out and did a spectacular job of it. The missions all made sense and the story made sense. I give Sega kudos on this one.

Gameplay: 9.0: For the most part, the game did what I wanted it to do. The only problems really came about with the camera, which they should have maintained directly behind the Hulk at all times. Trying to work the camera in the middle of a brawl was a nuisance that I battled my way through just like the Bi-Beast or the Abomination. Otherwise, this was great. The physics engine was superb and like I mentioned before, when I feel like I am falling from the top of the Empire State Building, I am a happy camper.

Replay Value: 7.5: If you are a comic book geek then there is plenty for you to do after beating the Abomination. Trying to raise your score to obtain all the upgrades, finding comic books, collecting landmark tokens, jump challenges, mini-games, and of course maxing out your health and rage bars. If you are a more casual gamer, you are probably just happy with beating the game and letting it sit on your shelves. That is why this game does not get a perfect score, because it does not appeal to everyone. It only appeals to hardcore gamers and that is okay, but not good enough.

Overall: (not an average) 8.5: This was a great game and I loved playing it. Lack of the movie soundtrack and poor voice acting takes away from the experience. I cannot remember a game where I did not want to see the cutscene. Usually in games, that is your reward for doing a good job. With this, I just wanted to keep smashing stuff and that is where this game truly shines. The physics engine is superb and the thought of tearing NYC apart as the Hulk on a rampage brings a smile to my face just typing it here. The game lacks the necessary polish to make it an overall superb gaming experience though. Possibly Sega was rushed due to wanting to release the game with the movie. No excuses though. Next time maybe they should stick to their blue hedgehogs if they are not willing to put the necessary final touches on a game that was so wonderful otherwise. So close Sega, yet still so far.

-Ray Carsillo

MORE MOVIES LIKE THIS IS WHAT WE WANT! (My special advanced review of WANTED)

WANTED is everything we WANT from our action movies from now on. Non-stop action, twisting plot lines, no-holds barred attitude, sprinkle it with some comedy and great acting and you get 1 hour and 44 minutes that had me cheering by the time the credits started to roll.

The movie begins by opening up on our protagonist, Wes (James McAvoy), the most disenchanted, cube-dwelling, rat-race accepting drone the planet had ever known. His boss chewed him out hourly, his girlfriend cheated on him and belittled him daily, and his life plodded on interminably. Everyone was certain this disengaged slacker would amount to nothing. There was little else for Wes to do but wile away the days and die in his slow, clock-punching rut.

Then he meets everything he ever wanted in a woman named Fox (Angelina Jolie). After his estranged father is supposedly murdered, the deadly, sexy Fox recruits Wes into the Fraternity, a secret society that trains Wes in how to avenge his dad’s death by unlocking his dormant “powers”, a super rush of adrenaline he feels when threatened that raises his heartbeat to more than 400 beats per minute and allows him to see things as if in super slow motion, thus granting him lightning-quick reflexes and phenomenal agility. Wes also learns about the Fraternity’s ancient, unbreakable code: carry out death orders supposedly given by fate itself.

With wickedly brilliant tutors, including the Fraternity’s enigmatic leader, Sloan (Morgan Freeman), Wes grows to enjoy all the power he ever wanted. But, slowly, he begins to realize there is more to his dangerous associates than meets the eye and as he wavers between newfound heroism and vengeance, Wes comes to learn what no one could ever teach him: he alone controls his destiny.

This movie had everything. Although it started a little slow and dragged at a couple of points, for the most part this movie did everything cinema is supposed to do. It brought up feelings of anger and resentment in my own hum-drum life and I could not help but cheer as Wes took his life into his own hands more and more. You felt that he represented all of us in some way and that made it easy to cheer him on in his quest for vengeance and the truth.

The special effects in the movie were superb, putting the original Matrix to shame. Based on the previews, many were scared that this was only going to be a glorified version of the Matrix and you could draw some parallels to it, but the movie does a good enough job of drawing you in that you do not think of it until long after the credits have rolled. There is a scene towards the end that reminds you of the bank job scene from the Matrix, but only in that the Wanted version completely craps on that. This movie interwove action and special effects successfully on a level rarely seen in cinema nowadays.

A good way of describing this is a movie loosely based on a comic book. The background on this movie of course is that it is based on a Top Cow graphic novel by Mark Millar and although it took a great deal of liberties from the comic, it can be forgiven because the movie was so all-around solid. Taking advantage of the positive feedback of a fellow 2nd tier’s success in Dark Horse’s Hellboy and its coming sequel, it was nice to see Top Cow put out a great movie like this and that hopefully it helps pave the way for other 2nd tier publishers to start scripting their stories for cinema.

In terms of acting, everyone was solid. Although I am unsure if Morgan Freeman yelling “Shoot that Mother F***er!” was supposed to be as humorous as it was, everything else was very believable from him. It’s interesting to see him taking on all these comic book character roles now after winning an Academy Award. James McAvoy played his role well enough that could propel him to star, if not at least cult star status. Angelina Jolie was solid as usual, especially the gratuitous nudity scene where we see her walking out of the Fraternity’s healing spas and we get a full five seconds of her bare buttocks. Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. Common did well enough in his acting debut I suppose, even though he only had about six lines, but that is what happens when you create a whole new character from the original comic script.

Overall, I went into this movie with low expectations because of awful trailer previews and came out surprisingly pleased. I would recommend this movie to anyone because it was all around a great experience with solid acting, awesome special effects, and an engaging plot. I give it 4.5 naked Angelina Jolie butt cheeks out of 5.

-Ray Carsillo

My review of THE WORLD ENDS WITH YOU for the Nintendo DS

Now usually I try to come up with some witty title revolving around the subject I am talking about, but the title of the game itself is so off-beat that I figured it best to just go with it. The premise of the game is that you are a Japanese boy named Neku and that you are dead. You must survive week long games and trials against dark monsters called noise while being a ghost to the world you once knew. If you survive, you are given a second chance at life. If not, you are erased into oblivion forever.

Pretty simple concept except of course nothing is as it seems as Neku explores Tokyo with several interesting characters and learns that he can read minds with special pins and use powers like pyrokinesis with others. There are larger forces at work conspiring beyond the concept of trying to get a second chance. Neku must also get over the fact that he does not trust people, that he only believes in himself and must overcome this short sightedness, this concept that the world ends with him (hence the title of the game) in order to survive.

Overall, this is one of the most refreshing and enjoyable RPGs that I have played in a long time. The story is original and involving and well developed as it keeps leading you along. The level up system is solid and there are unique ways of powering up your characters such as eating food and fighting to digest it to receive bonuses. Add in the revolutionary combat system of using the control pad to string together combos on the top screen for your partner and the stylus to activate pin powers on the bottom and you have one heck of a game. The music was original and catchy and a nice feature was that you could buy CDs in the game to change your menu music since if you take the game seriously, you will spend a good deal of time switching and analyzing the pins you acquire. Also, the style of pin and clothes you wear changes the style of the area you are fighting in and if you use styles that are popular you get more combat bonuses. This game screams originality and it is refreshing to see Square Enix make such a quality RPG that doesn’t start with the words “Final Fantasy”. I cannot recommend this game enough. From the great cell shaded anime style to the vibrant characters that you cannot help but root for to the unique fighting system, this one is a winner.

Rankings based on a score of 1 to 10 with 10 being the best.

Graphics: 9.0: The World Ends With You takes full advantage of everything the DS can throw at us. The cell shaded anime style works well for this style of game play. Aside from the overhead sprites not being as detailed as I think they could be, this is a solid visual experience in terms of the cut scenes and the battle animations.

Audio: 9.0: Original Japanese score that does not always make sense in English. It is still very catchy though. A nice feature is that you can buy CDs at stores in the game to change the menu music even if you can’t change the overall game music, which is understandable since some of the music is meant to set a mood. The music does get somewhat tiresome after listening to the same songs over and over again though. The SFX are solid even if a bit repetitive at times.

Plot/Plot Development: 9.5: Very original plot that draws the players in. Starting each new day and chapter and then having to work your way to revealing what happened in between that passage of time gets repetitive and tiresome after a while, but the story does not disappoint with its many twists and turns that you can’t see coming.

Gameplay: 10.0: With the innovative dual screen fighting system and having to constantly stay aware of both screens surroundings, the action is constant and consuming. With no lag and pretty accurate sensing of the stylus, the gameplay is also surprisingly smooth. No less than the best in terms of score.

Replay Value: 7.0: Once you beat story mode, you can replay any chapter of the game with any partner and collect things you missed along the way and complete extra side missions. If you complete all the extra side missions, you acquire a super pin. Not much else to the story so in my opinion, aside from the stellar gameplay, there is not as much as I would like to see to get me to play this again. This is the only weakness of this otherwise stellar game.

Overall: 9.5 (not an average): There is not much to not like about this game. The gameplay is revolutionary, the story is engrossing, and the characters can be related to so you end up loving them. Could have been a little longer and I thought the ending might have been a little weak after the great buildup, but aside from that, I have no real complaints about the overall presentation of this game. This game does not need a second chance because if you pick it up once, you will never let it go. One of the best of the year.

-Ray Carsillo

RAY NO SMASH HULK MOVIE!!! (My review of the Incredible Hulk)

The last time I saw the Hulk, I was with my dad and we both walked away sorely disappointed. For this Hulk, we were together again and walked away with a much better taste in our mouths. This Hulk is a completely different story to the first Hulk movie and does not reference it really in any way. It starts with Bruce Banner trying to control his anger issues in Brazil while working in a bottling plant. There is a mishap and a drop of his blood makes it into one of the bottles. Someone drinks the bottle back in the United States (customary Stan Lee cameo) and the army tracks Banner back to the bottling plant. Bring in special agent Emil Blonsky for the trip and the stage is set ladies and gentlemen. Blonsky and his group engage Banner in a thrilling chase through the villas of Brazil that ends back in the bottling plant and the Hulk finally emerges. The Hulk escapes and Blonsky’s pride is hurt and he wants a second crack at it.

General Ross then uncorks the super-soldier serum, so conveniently colored blue (Captain America tease) and injects Blonsky. Banner begins the trek back to the United States to find help after being on the run for we find out later turns out to be years. He finds Betty and he also finds the army and a doped up Blonsky. Hulk SMASH puny human and escapes with Betty. The army thinks that if Blonsky is going survive, he will be a paraplegic, only to find out that the super soldier serum fixes him as good as new in about two days time. The General is stunned, but pleased as Blonsky says he is ready for round 3.

Meanwhile, Betty and Bruce make it to NYC to find Dr. Samuel Sterns, an expert in radiation poisoning who thinks he can devise a cure. Unbeknownst to Bruce, a blood sample he gave to Sterns has since been synthesized into hundreds of samples. Bruce says that after the procedure, they must all be destroyed. Sterns argues but they agree to proceed with the test on Bruce before they do anything further. They succeed in subduing a transformation, but still do not know if they have cured Banner completely of the Hulk when Blonsky and his strike team hit. Blonsky is sorely disappointed when Banner does not transform and stays behind with Sterns as Banner is carted away to be dissected at an army base. Blonsky then threatens Sterns to dose him with Gamma radiation and some of Banner’s blood. Thus, we have the birth of the Abomination. Sterns is thrown across the room where some of Banner’s blood samples drip into an open wound in Sterns’ head, which swells slightly. Can anyone say “LEADER”?! Anyway, Abomination destroys the rest of the lab and then starts wreaking havoc. Word gets back to the General and Banner tells him he is the only who can fight him. We have one of the most amazing fight scenes ever, Hulk wins, and then he runs away to the Canadian countryside.

Now that you have the synopsis, here is the review. AMAZING. Really well done all around. First off, they got everything right for the most part. They took liberties with little things, but it is ok. I also love the references to everything that came before them. Betty buys Bruce a few change of clothes including a pair of purple sweatpants (reference to the original comics) and Bruce makes fun of her for it. Also, they play the music from the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno Hulk TV Show whenever Bruce is hitchhiking along from South America to NYC which was a stroke of genius. Add in that Lou plays the voice of the Hulk when Hulk yells “HULK SMASH” and they really did justice to the past and the present. The visuals were stunningly real and you really felt for the characters. Everyone gave a great performance from William Hurt as the General, Tim Roth as Blonsky, Ed Norton of course as Banner, and Liv Tyler as Betty, who looks so hot throughout this movie. Incase she ever sees this, I love you Liv, please contact me for a good time. Hahaha. Having Robert Downey Jr. come in at the end as well to talk to the General about the Avengers was also a great touch on Marvel’s part, which means Hulk WILL be an Avenger. Whether or not it will be Edward Norton is another question. Avenger watch, Iron Man and Hulk are CONFIRMED now. Also, I like how at the end they had Banner in the Canadian countryside trying to learn not to suppress the Hulk, but to control him. This gives them the open of having intelligent Hulk in the coming movies. Also, the hint at having the Leader as the next villain is brilliant and I think the obvious move for them. All around, the movie was solid. It did drag at a few points, but the entire Hulk series is the build up to when Banner actually Hulks out so you cannot fault them for that. Overall, great character development, superb special effects, an amazing plot, and Liv Tyler make me one happy comic book geek. The Hulk successfully smashes 4.5 out of 5 stars.

-Ray Carsillo

IT’S BEEN 14 YEARS AND THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?! (My review of Myst for the Nintendo DS)

I have been dreading this review, bottomline. That is why even though the game came out nearly a month ago, I am just writing about it now. Let me explain the situation. I get to work one day about a month ago and there waiting for me is a package. I get all the jokes that someone is sending me anthrax or something because the rarity at which I receive packages is ridiculous. I open it up though like a kid on Christmas and from my good friends at Triple Point PR, I have a brand new version of Myst for the Nintendo DS. I am thrilled because it is a game that I was considering buying, but was thinking against it for the most part and now it did not matter. With renewed enthusiasm, I could not wait for my work day to end so I could play my new game. After an hour at home with the game, my spirit broken, I resigned to never play this game again.

First off, thank you to Paula at Triple Point for remembering me from the NY ComicCon and my work to send me this. Secondly, this game is not worthy of being played on my Nintendo DS. Myst came out 14 years ago with a lot of PCs as a way to show what the CD-ROM system could do and was revolutionary at the time. So many years later, this direct port shows what happens when video game companies become lazy. Although a few innovative features to take advantage of the DS’s dual touch screen abilities, this game is exactly the same as it was 14 years ago. Again, then it was amazing, now it is uninspired. The graphics are lackluster, the music is dull, the gameplay is jumpy at best, and because of the small screen size and lack of presentation upgrades, it is almost impossible to make anything out. I could not see the details that I needed to see in order to progress in Myst and since the original was so detail oriented, that poses a tremendous problem.

The game started a revolution 14 years ago, but like many revolutions just remember them for the good they brought and the progress they inspired, but let them remain in the past. No one wants to see the original Mario Bros. on the Wii now for $50 with one or two new features. If you want to pull something like that off, you need to revamp it in a way that is enjoyable to the player, much like New Super Mario Bros. for DS. It is similar to the original, but there are enough new things (including updated graphics and music, *hint hint* Myst manufacturers) to keep you entertained for a few hours and you can walk away saying that this is a new experience. Myst for DS does not do this and sorrowfully tarnishes my memories of the original from so long ago. Even if you have never played Myst and are curious, try finding an old CD-ROM version and save your money because this is not worth it.
Rankings based on a score of 1 to 10 with 10 being the best.

Graphics: 2.0: This might be generous. Some of the details are still solidly clear and lifelike, but considering that it is still a direct port from 1994 and that most of the scenery can barely be made out on the DS’s small screens, this game should be used as an example of what you should NOT buy. Thank god I got this for free and even that can’t make up for the hour of my life wasted.

Audio: 3.0: SFX are still solid and make sense, but the vocals and music are hard to make out and are barely audible at all, even with the DS cranked to the max. Again, something that instead of being re-mastered or completely redone, just a straight port and that is not good enough from 1994 to 2008.

Plot/Plot Development: 6.5: The original plot of Myst was an intriguing one that would immerse its original gamers for days on end with complex puzzles and very round characters. Now though, due to the lack of improvements over the past 14 years, the entire product suffers so I can only give this a barely passable score.

Gameplay: 1.0: You would think that the point and click style would work well with the touch screen of the DS, but it does just the opposite. Since the screen is so small, it is very easy to click on one point and it sends you somewhere else instead. Since none of the clues are legible on the DS’s small screen either, it makes it nearly impossible to go anywhere in the game. This is a horrible disappointment.

Replay Value: 0.0: This game cannot even be given a score because never mind playing it again, you should not even play it once.

Overall: 0.0 (not an average): Not even worth the nostalgia of playing a once great game, this game should be avoided at all costs, plain and simple.

-Ray Carsillo

THE REVENGE OF THE PALE, FAT, WHITE KIDS (My Review of “Bigger, Stronger, Faster: The Side Effects of Being American”)

Growing up we had all seen them. Hulk Hogan with his scoop slam of Andre the Giant to win the belt in Wrestlemania III or when Hogan gave the Iron Sheik the big leg drop to win the title for the first time and proclaim that America rules and Iran drools. We all saw Ahnold Schwarzenegger blow everyone away in the Mr. Universe competitions and then later in his movies as a barbarian and a robot. We saw Sly Stallone beat the Russians as Rocky (and a very angry Mr. T) and blow away the Vietnamese as Rambo. Growing up that was who we wanted to be.

As Christopher Bell, the director and narrator of the documentary “Bigger, Stronger, Faster: The Side Effects of Being American” points out though, most of us ended up gravitating towards being pale, fat, white kids though no matter what we tried. No matter what you did or how hard you worked, you were always a step behind your heroes. Then a magical, mysterious drug called steroids came onto the scene and suddenly Chris and his brothers had found a way to become like their heroes.

This movie is a great look between a man and his family’s struggles with trying to live up to their own American dream and image and how he takes an in-depth look at how little we really know about steroids, much like marijuana, and just because we do not know a lot about it, does not prevent us from vilifying it. He asks the question “When does it become cheating? When out athletes take it? Even though you can buy them cheap over the internet and most meat that is produced in this country has them coursing through it?” Every person in America that has had a cheeseburger has had steroids. Most of our medications are steroid derivatives. In fact, in that aspect, I’ve been on steroids for a long time now. The medication I use for my psoriasis is technically a steroid. This is the point that Christopher Bell brings up. That maybe with a little more education and a lot more research, steroids are something that should not necessarily be embraced, but maybe do not have to be vilified as much as they are. He also debunks many of the myths of steroids and that most of the people who see the negative effects are people who ABUSE steroids. He calls for doctor supervision, much like I have with my psoriasis medication, that would prevent most of the negative effects and he also proves that most of myths of steroids are just that, myths.

It was an educational, entertaining look at one of our society’s biggest taboos. Although you won’t see me shooting up a steroid anytime soon, I took away a lot from this movie and I think you will too. Personally, I learned to be a lot happier with myself and who I am and that not everything we see or hear is something we should believe in to be a real American. The movie was solid, timing out at 1 hour and 45 minutes. It did a drag at a few points, but its message and overall display was solid and I walked out of the theatre with a good feeling. If you can find a theatre that it is playing in, go take a look. 3.5 out of 5 stars.

-Ray Carsillo

P.S.: I had an opportunity two days before the movie came out to sit down with Christopher Bell and do a quick interview. Have a listen if you are still on the fence about seeing this movie.